Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Friday, July 17, 2015

Gymnopédie No. 1

Gymnopédies are three piano compositions written by Erik Satie. According to Mark Prendergast (2000), these three pieces of atmospheric tunes are important precursor to modern ambient music.

To me they can find their way to give colors to many kinds of moments. I have imagined some scenes while listening to  Gymnopédie No. 1, from modern-lover-kind-of-romantic to war scenes, or banal scenes on the streets, and yes it sounds so much like lounge-music.

While listening to this, i made some pieces of thoughts. To me they are like crumbles of bread, or maybe crumbles of biscuit that will be used for the base of baked cheesecake. Whatever.


Sunday, July 12, 2015

Tonight's Companion: Camel and Desert


Tonight, i am woman in dunes. With camel and desert. With cart loaded with dusts. With the sky laid low. With the holes called stars. Because i just found this beautiful piece of a friend of mine. And i just read this poetry with the title "Desert" by Adonis. And for the first time in my life, i lose my voice. My throat hurts really bad. It feels like i've been walking down the desert for some times and i couldn't find any oase.

There's no oase down here, only mirage.


Desert

By Adonis
Translated By Khaled Mattawa
 
The cities dissolve, and the earth is a cart loaded with dust
Only poetry knows how to pair itself to this space.
No road to this house, a siege,
and his house is graveyard.
               From a distance, above his house
               a perplexed moon dangles
               from threads of dust.
I said: this is the way home, he said: No
               you can’t pass, and aimed his bullet at me.
Very well then, friends and their homes
                in all of Beirut’s are my companions.
Road for blood now—
               Blood about which a boy talked
               whispered to his friends:
                              nothing remains in the sky now
                              except holes called “stars.”
The city’s voice was too tender, even the winds
would not tune its strings—
The city’s face beamed
like a child arranging his dreams for nightfall
bidding the morning to sit beside him on his chair.
They found people in bags:
              a person                                                 without a head 
              a person                                                 without hands, or tongue
              a person                                                 choked to death
              and the rest had no shapes and no names.
                             —Are you mad? Please
                                                             don’t write about these things.
A page in a book
              bombs mirror themselves inside of it
              prophecies and dust-proverbs mirror themselves inside of it 
              cloisters mirror themselves inside of it, a carpet made of the alphabet
                             disentangles thread by thread
falls on the face of the city, slipping out of the needles of memory.
A murderer in the city’s air, swimming through its wound—
its wound is a fall
that trembled to its name—to the hemorrhage of its name
and all that surrounds us—
houses left their walls behind
                                               and I am no longer I.
Maybe there will come a time in which you’ll accept     
to live deaf and mute, maybe
they’ll allow you to mumble: death
                                                and life
                                                resurrection
                                                and peace unto you.
From the wine of the palms to the quiet of the desert . . . et cetera
from a morning that smuggles its own intestines
               and sleeps on the corpses of the rebels . . . et cetera
from streets, to trucks
               from soldiers, armies . . . et cetera
from the shadows of men and women . . . et cetera
from bombs hidden in the prayers of monotheists and infidels . . . et cetera
from iron that oozes iron and bleeds flesh . . . et cetera
from fields that long for wheat, and grass and working hands . . . et cetera
from forts that wall our bodies
               and heap darkness upon us . . . et cetera
from legends of the dead who pronounce life, who steer our life . . . et cetera
from talk that is slaughter           and slaughter         and slitters of throats . . . et cetera
from darkness to darkness to darkness
I breathe, touch my body, search for myself
               and for you, and for him, and for the others
and I hang my death
between my face and this hemorrhage of talk . . . et cetera
You will see—
                say his name
                say you drew his face
                reach out your hand toward him
                or smile
                or say I was happy once
                or say I was sad once
                you will see:
                                 there is no country there.
Murder has changed the city’s shape—this stone
                                                                 is a child’s head—
and this smoke is exhaled from human lungs.
Each thing recites its exile . . .                a sea
                                              of blood—and what
do you expect on these mornings except their arteries set to sail
into the darkness, into the tidal wave of slaughter?
Stay up with her, don’t let up—
she sits death in her embrace
and turns over her days
                                              tattered sheets of paper.
Guard the last pictures
of her topography—
she is tossing and turning in the sand
in an ocean of sparks—
on her bodies
are the spots of human moans.
Seed after seed are cast into our earth—
fields feeding on our legends,
guard the secret of these bloods.
                               I am talking about a flavor to the seasons
                               and a flash of lightning in the sky.
Tower Square—(an engraving whispers its secrets
                                                               to bombed-out bridges . . . )
Tower Square—(a memory seeks its shape
                                                               among dust and fire . . . )
Tower Square—(an open desert
                                                               chosen by winds and vomited  . . . by them . . . )
Tower Square—(It’s magical
                                              to see corpses move/their limbs    
                                              in one alleyway, and their ghosts    
                                              in another/and to hear their sighs . . . )
Tower Square—(West and East
                                and gallows are set up—
                                martyrs, commands . . . )
Tower Square—(a throng
                of caravans: myrrh
                                               and gum Arabica and musk
                                                              and spices that launch the festival . . . )
Tower Square—(let go of time . . .
                                              in the name of place)
—Corpses or destruction,
                  is this the face of Beirut?
—and this
                a bell, or a scream?
—A friend?
—You? Welcome.
               Did you travel? Have you returned? What’s new with you?
—A neighbor got killed . . . /
 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
A game /
—Your dice are on a streak.
—Oh, just a coincidence /
                                   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                              Layers of darkness
                                              and talk dragging more talk.

Source: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/243414

How can i not?

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Habitus and Point of View

"What's that? the opposite of 'make my day'?"

It ruined his day, he said. When he accidentally killed a bug just because he didn't notice that there's a bug on the sink when he turned on the tap. He said that he's never killed any mosquito. This conversation began with a topic about pig. He said that he's sorry for pigs. For they were farmed by humans to be eaten but there are some people who don't wanna eat them because pigs are considered dirty by certain group.



Friday, June 19, 2015

Earworm?

A lesson of Ted-Ed says that we are susceptible to earworms. Earworm is that catchy piece of music that continually repeats through a person's mind after it is no longer playing. [x] Many literature works have recorded the ideas about earworms. For example, the work of Edgar Allan Poe, The Imp of The Perverse (1845):

It is quite a common thing to be thus annoyed with the ringing in our ears, or rather in our memories, of the burthen of some ordinary song, or some unimpressive snatches from an opera. Nor will we be the less tormented if the song in itself be good, or the opera air meritorious.

Yes. Sometimes it's a jingle of an advertisement or the songs that keep on being played on the radio or even the song you really hate. The tunes are there in your head. Stuck.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Menthol Cigarettes

Listen to Pandai Besi - Di Udara while reading this post.
You can watch it here, minute 21:55.


I have a weird habit. Nah, i actually have tons but i want to talk about one particular habit this time. I like to sniff the smell of menthol cigarettes. I like to sniff the pack. I like menthol cigarettes.

That's not counted as smoking because i don't even light it. I'm not saying this to clarify that i don't commit any juvenile delinquency. No. I don't care about that. I'm not a child anymore and smoking or not smoking, whatever the gender is, it doesn't speak about morality.

Personality traits like extroversion, rebelliousness, antisocial tendencies, risk taking and social deviance are directly related to the occurrence of smoking behaviour and are more frequent among males than females (Grunberg, Winders & Wewers 1991; Waldron 1991a). I'm fine with someone smoking for the sake of image branding, social status, etc. Cigarette can be a symbol you use to translate the message you want to convey to people. But yeah, i think it's not worth it to smoke for image branding sakes since it's not good for your health. Why would you kill yourself to impress people?

I ever heard that most women who smoke, smoke menthol cigarette. I'm curious about that but i didn't find any statistic of it. Is menthol cigarette smoking behavior correlated with gender? Why? Is the market of menthol cigarette segmented? No. I don't see any cigarette advertisement that seems like targeting on women. Now that i mention it, the main character of most cigarette advertisements are men. I guess the prevalence of smoking behavior is really patterned by gender.

This is kinda interesting. I hope i will find the data later and i'll try to develop this post.

Source: http://www.oeaw.ac.at/vid/download/WP2010_07.pdf

Saturday, June 06, 2015

Shozaburo Takitani

A senpai gave me a question on ask.fm. She asked people to try this quiz. I was too males to answer her ask.fm question properly and i had no obligation to do so anyway.

But i have taken this quiz three times without remembering my previous answers and i still got the same one. I wonder if that answer kinda suits me.



Thursday, June 04, 2015

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Transition

I just finished my final assignment for Japanese Thoughts lecture which is actually due on next Friday. Now i only have two more left to do this weekend: write shitty essay about shit (read: garbage problem) in 日本語 and study for the final exam of History of Indonesian Diplomacy lecture. I'm looking forward to this holiday because i have rather long list of things to read and things to do and also i just accidentally erased the pictures i saved on my Google Account and it affected the pictures displayed on this blog. They are gone.

This post is a transition. I need to rest my brain for awhile and enjoy thinking freely because while writing i need to keep focus on one thing which still kind of tortures me.


Friday, May 22, 2015

19

These weeks i've been visiting Business Insider and Forbes and i can't really explain why. The only explanation i've got--not to mention it is also the dumbest i could come up with--is i guess finally the chinese blood has awaken in me. But of course it's not it. Then what?

Whatever. I really enjoy killing time reading the articles one after another. Especially the "Strategy" section on Business Insider. It contains many fun information that seem likely to be used in soft skill training for サラリーマン. 

And then today i went to Plan International Indonesia's Country Office to do my first Youth Engagement as Youth Advisory Panel. I was assigned for Youth Economic Empowerment. What i did was getting to know what the project does, the target, and what have been reached by it this far. It is a brand new experience for me because back in 2011 when i first engaged with Plan, i was involved in Learn Without Fear and Because I Am A Girl. Those programs deal with different issues. I didn't know nothing whatsoever about this YEE program except what i could try to fathom from its program name. It deals with youth to empower their economic capacity.

 So we were given the observation tool and we started to talk with the staffs who work specifically for certain program. There are:
Child Protection 
Water, Sanitation, and Hygiene
Disaster and Risk Management
Youth Economic Empowerment, and
Early Childhood Care and Development


Saturday, May 16, 2015

Rather Be: How Banalities Turn Into Picturesque Scene

This morning my sister played a song through her iTunes. I recognized that song, Rather Be, but i couldn't recall the band so i decided to search it on YouTube and watched the music video. I've watched this video before, but i felt something new this time. This music video depicts how music can turn our everyday domestic activities into more enjoyable scenes.


Friday, May 15, 2015

Instant Crush




I got an instant crush on this song (and also on the music video). The oldish groovy music and the voice of Julian Casablancas (frontman of The Strokes) dance together, it got me feeling like dancing in an old bar with a jukebox. Though here his vocal doesn't sound really The Stroke-esque i'm good with it. It's Daft Punk afterall. This piece is included in Random Access Memories.

About the video, looking at the wax doll that looks like Julian made me think about Night At The Museum but no, some moments passed and i saw that it's more like The Steadfast Tin Soldier, a tragic love story between a one legged tin soldier and a paper doll ballerina. The story ends with them burning in fire and a heart shaped tin found on the morrow. In this video, the wax Julian and the cute wax dutch lady with full kissable lips melt together in fire just like the tin and the paper doll.  "A little time with you is all that I get. That’s all we need because it's all we can take." indeed.

I'm glad my infatuation with some heavy metal musics don't deprive me from enjoying this kind of piece. I always love this kind of song which has some specks of sentimentality yet can still manage the listener to dance it away. Both a mild sweet torture and a considerate companion for sentimental moment. That, or we can just listen to it to pretend that we are in the 80s, dancing in the bar with our fancy clothes as if we are a jukebox sweetheart.

My favorites lines are the chorus:

And we will never be alone again
'Cause it doesn't happen every day
Kinda counted on you being a friend
Can I give it up or give it away
Now I thought about what I wanna say
But I never really know where to go
So I chained myself to a friend
'Cause I know it unlocks like a door

The reason for any line to be my favorite is  always something personal...

Thursday, May 14, 2015

ワクドキ

I was just about to open one vsauce video on YouTube and when the video was going to be loaded this video ad appeared. Most of the times ads annoy me but this time there's something that made me want to stay for a little while to watch what Enstein is going to do on this video.


and then Enstein starts to dance.

and the salarymen in their suits.

With that ドキドキheart  moves, which look stupid yet bafflingly funny. Japan is never not a little too offbeat, watching the video had me feeling guilty pleasure. My brain labeled it as weird but i laughed and watched it again for the second time. It's almost hypnotizing. I guess it's some kind of brainwash, haha.

ワクドキ itself means something like heart/adrenaline racing. From ワクワク which is used to express excitement etc and ドキドキ which refers to the beating sound of your heart.

I've actually had enough of the ubiquitous perverse culture of Japan but since i am officially studying their culture we have to stay in good terms and i myself should treat them as interesting research matters. They are, though. The sicker, the better(?)



Sunday, May 10, 2015

Friday, May 08, 2015

Saturday, May 02, 2015

,

Theories

My parents keep saying that as a kid i used to ask so many questions to people. I love to know about things. And then being enrolled at school i found that i even had to know things i didn't have interest on, like tenggang rasa, a value taught on PPKn (I never aced that subject, it's kind of disturbing for me). School provided a method to find things out in an organized way so that it can be systematically done. For example, on math we didn't go straight to algebra, matrix, function, but we learned about the basic equations first. The 1+1=2. We go from A to build B to build C. The basic information is the most essential, the basis, and therefore the hardest to be debated. You can't debate 1+1=2, the first thing you learned on Math. The basis. 1+1=2 is an absolute truth.

And then as i kept learning i stumbled upon theories. I was fascinated by them because i grew up with this mindset: "when something can be questioned, it can be explained". Then my interest shifted from outer space stuffs to human relation. Fun to know the reason why people act in some behaviors, the common things people do, so many whys to be answered.

But now i am over social theories. I can't believe them anymore. My attitude towards them will either be "that seems sound enough" or "that doesn't make any sense".

Last night i had a discussion with SGRC UI on our chatroom. It was started by a question about Antonio Gramsci's theory of Hegemony. And then the discussion went on to the next topic: theory and truth. Just like Gramsci's theory, to me it seems like social theories only provide reasoning about what happened in the past. Finding out the relation of the factors involved in one occasion. It's not as sound as scientific concept. And after reading some theories until now, i see that theory can only explain that one aspect makes something more probable to happen. For example, from functional structuralist perspective the end of slavery might happened for the sake of industrial development, in order to go on to the next level of technology and civilization. Not humanitarian at all. The theory does make sense yet it doesn't mean that the end of slavery really occurred because of that.

And then it's hard to see a social theory as a truth because in social event, even as the theory is in the process of being synthesized, things keep changing. It's so hard to make a perfect social theory because there are so many interrelated factors in it and in social event, even one person can make significant change. It's hard to find out the basic structure of human relations because it's rapidly changing and we are not fast enough to catch on.

Therefore, i think it's not a good choice to treat a social theory like a scientific concept. For example, using a theory to say someone's way of thinking or behaving is wrong. In that case the theory is just a tool to justify what you believe is right.

Recently, someone i know used a theory to judge people. This theory, even if sometimes sounds like prophecy because it seems like it speaks the truth, is methodologically weak and has poor statistical validity. Yes, MBTI. Only because based on the test i am dominant for N and T, that one forgot that i have emotions too. Judging that xNTx people are not sensitive.

But as an xNFx, you've failed to see that too. We are both not sensible enough to read the atmosphere. Because it's not about the type, dear. It's whether you want to or not. And in my case i actually want to but i have problems in expressing it, you know that.

And you chose not to care about that because you think you've been burdened enough by your own problems. As if it was my fault it happened to you.

"空気 can also be used to explain situation. Like, 「空気を読む」 or reading the situation.”

”よく使うの?”

”ええ、よく使うよ。”

”私、今の空気が読めない。”

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Garage Sale

Today i did my first garage sale with my friend. It's just that i have so many clothes i don't wanna wear anymore even though some of them have only been used once or twice. My mom usually gave them to... i don't know exactly but this time i decided to have them sold cause the idea of doing this was fun. So me and my friend Take sorta headed right away this morning to the place and we sold some pieces there, yeay!

But because we didn't arrive early enough we couldn't get a shady spot. So it was only awhile after it became too hot that we decided to go home.

Things i learned today:

1. Never forget to bring your folded umbrella.
2. To come earlier is better (most of the times).
3. "Uang Sampah" means "Uang Keamanan" means "Uang Preman".

Yeah the thing about point three...

People are allowed to sell and promote stuffs there. There were various kinds of stands and booths and the place were crowded by people doing sunday morning workouts. When i was sitting there waiting for buyers to come while Take was buying some foods for breakfast, a man came to me and said "uang sampah" without looking at my face. I asked him what he was talking about because i didn't quite catch that and he repeated again and i got it.

"Uang sampah"

Anda memang sampah, pak.

That guy was scary and he looked like he was tough and was acting tough. I wouldn't stand a chance fighting with him or even arguing probably and actually i wasn't really bothered to pay some but i was just a bit annoyed to know that this kind of thing still happen and i experienced it myself.

But still, it was fun though. I guess i'm gonna do it again next week.

By the way, i just watched The Ark's stage debut because Kemal asked me and i found myself falling for them. I've followed their account on YouTube so i guess now i'm into other K-thingies besides honeyed tteokbokki. This group is really really good that i've been raping the repeat button watching their performance again and again.

I probably should wash the hype with Annot Rhül's pieces for lullaby.

No i'll watch it again just one more time.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Korean Culture Day 2015

When i got the ticket of KCD from Kemal i was like...

Mampus! gue kan gak ngerti ke-korea-an sama sekali.

It was Saturday morning. I headed straight from Kutek to Balairung by ojek (lemme mention it because i really love tukang ojek UI for the fee is so much cheaper compared to tukang ojek in Priok).

Then i walked towards the people queuing to enter the event area. When i was queuing i saw mas-mas with shocking bright neon colored niion sling bag and he smiled to me. Iya, it was Kemal. Thanks to that bag it was very easy for me to look for him during the event.

They use the identity bracelet system for the visitors so that it's easier for us if we have to leave the area for awhile and go back again which i find convenient for a forgetful person like me who forgets her stuffs back at home most of the time.

Entering the area i could see the backdrop they provided for photobooth but i went straight to the bazaar area. They divided it into two zones. First, located near the hall is the area for sponsors. There were only two stands which focused on selling food, a stand which sold packed tteokbokki (and they give testers!) and the other one sold japanese foods and drinks, there were also the stands of korean university, hanbok photobooth, and a stand of a cosmetic brand.

The other stands were located outside in the bazaar tenants area and the visitors had to take a tour around the building just to reach there and buy food which i found kind of inconvenient. But i asked about that and they said they knew but they didn't have other choice because there's a regulation from UI prohibiting them to use the more strategic area because it is feared that if it is used as a bazaar area it might make the place dirty. So, i'm fine with that.

Bazaar Area

Later my friends from SGRC UI came and i spent the rest of the day with them. I was surprised that i enjoy the event. There were cute kindergarten kids singing korean and indonesian songs, karaoke, dance cover, gugaksarang, arumba, cabaret, etc.

My friend Ahadi came onto the stage when the MCs challenged the audiences to do a dance battle and he won it easily. He really loves to dance and is very energetic. Me and the others literally screamed his name frantically when we saw him on stage.

The event was ended by the performance from the long awaited guest star, Eru. I didn't know him so while the others moved closer to the stage, i chose to move closer to the wall.

I like the stage lighting.

They are the winner of the dance cover competition. Sexy and powerful, they do deserve to win.

When i headed to the bazaar area one of the crews called out and said "Pohon harapannya! biar langgeng sama kemal!" but i just giggled cause i didn't find the idea of having our names hanging in an open area like that amusing. But it was a nice decoration, though!


I was surprised that i could enjoy the event from the opening until the end since i'm not even ke-korea-an.

Thank you for BKK UI for holding a korean event that a person who doesn't follow the pop culture like me can also enjoy. Music brings us here! And thank you, Kemal for the ticket. And thank you, Tyas, Ahadi, Arung, because of you guys i wasn't alone and thank you Kak Dudung and Faiz for accompanying me post-event. Instead of spending the saturday shutting myself in my room perusing or doing reviews, this was a lot better.

Photographs by @korcultureday

Samsa

"Woke up in the morning feeling like Gregor Samsa. Or maybe this memory of mine is synthesized. Maybe last night i was a hideous bug and now i just metamorphosed into a hideous human. Only that much of me that hasn't changed. The other knowledge like the aftertaste of coffee i had before sleep or the fact that i really had a cup of coffee, the fact that i have piles of assignments due next week, and the fact that i have a strong yet delicate emotion towards a certain human are all fresh from the oven. Today is actually brand new. But think about it. Whether i am right or wrong, i have to embrace every new day not being sure whether the stuffs happened yesterdays were really true. The yesterdays have turned into mere knowledge and it is not about the knowledge that matters but how you use it."

Posted that on my instagram page as a bittersweet companion of  a distorted monochromatic self potrait. I mentioned "hideous" twice as a touch of sentimentality cause hey, i posted some of self potraits of mine and that kind of means i thought i looked good enough to be seen by people, right? Not hideous. So if it's not on behalf of effects, that word actually is a bullshit.

So, because i have let my experience touched by exaggeration that means it has turned into a fiction. But what power do i have to know whether the perception i got of the thing happened was true? Whether my perspective is reliable. The memories are after all mere mental images of the real material world.


Yes i'm kidding.
Why do i have to tell people every single time i'm joking?
I guess i should stop.
LOL I won't.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Midterm

We are past midterm period and i can say that this far, i really like this semester. Firstly, because some subjects like The Introduction of Philosophy and Modern Thoughts and Japan from Socio-Cultural Theory Perspective are really interesting. I just can't afford to skip those subjects. It's so lovely being in the class, learning about things that excite you. It's not like the others don't interest me, but these two subjects are special. I've always loved theories and concepts, maybe it is a proof of the statement: human seeks for higher meaning in anything. That everything happens for a reason. That everything has explanation. Not really, though. I just enjoy it. Perhaps we do can provide some explanations of things happened but we might not be right since the ability to perceive, process, and conclude the mental image of things in each human is different. Explanation is not fixed, but we do have choice whether to get hold onto that or not.

Secondly, i've got lots of friends. Re-initiating Mata Sastra, joining SGRC, and joining YAP have helped me. My friends are all cool. My closest friends have their own uniqueness and fortes, my friends from Mata Sastra are these artsy people who enjoy art soulfully, the friends from SGRC are these fab and intelligent folks who have done awesome things, and my friends from YAP too are awesome and more importantly they care about their surroundings. I feel like the friendship between Nihongakka 2013 is getting more and more solid too and that makes me feel happy.

Recently, me and my close friends started some kind of benkyoukai with Yamashita-san. I don't feel like dropping the -san not to say going on to the first name base (lol) cause i've gotten used to calling him that way. He is a researcher and is staying here until this December. He said he wanted to learn the daily expressions of Bahasa Indonesia cause he barely gets this chance in BIPA program. When we planned it he said that he wanted to learn stuffs like "deh", "sih", "kan", "loh", etc.

So, yesterday i decided to do it at payung KP where we (Himaja) were having a closing party of Nihoncup so that i could get some help from the other friends since Vella was busy preparing the party, Tika was reciting odori, and Nikita and Janette had meeting to attend. I'm glad that my appointment with YAP is postponed so that i didn't have to rush to kuningan after exam. While helping a bit to prepare the food for the party, i tried to explain how to use those stuffs to Yamashita-san. There were Tara, Ceshia, and one by one the others chimed in and joined us.

But there is this thing bothering me. I've been skipping classes and i can't do it again or else i will not be able to take the final exam. But i'm afraid i have to since i still have schedules with YAP. Also, i have some other things bothering me like studying for the next JLPT that will be held on July, taking TOEFL exam, and fixing my self (Yeah, i feel like i need to fix some things in me like clumsiness and forgetfulness cause i don't want any of that bothering my friends and acquaintances when i am having a business with them. I want my friends to stop worrying about me too.).

But that's the challenge, right?!

Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Self-Centered

I'm now a girl next door[x]. No, i'm just kidding. I have moved to a boarding house near my campus and i happened to live in the room next to my friend's. That's a lie. I chose this room on purpose. Before i moved here, i used to stay over in her room whenever we got events to attend and it was too late to go home. That became a habit, in my first week here i didn't sleep in my own room. I slept in hers. It's so convenient to have a friend next door. Whenever i'm afraid i can knock her room and have her company. We like to talk about stuffs. She identifies me as someone who isn't sensitive enough (i think now most of my closest ones say so) and i identify her as someone who is so sensitive. But we get along just fine.

It's less lonely to have her around. Especially because we are in the same major and community. She can play guitar and sometimes she would hum. Last night she hummed a song she made from the verse written by Sitor Situmorang and it's just lovely.

Tomorrow i have a midterm exam for "Introduction for Philosophy and Modern Thoughts" subject but instead of studying i am writing this post. It's just that before i start concentrating i need to slack off, my kind of slacking off, vomiting all thoughts and quenching the thirst of curiosity. Now let's just proceed to my thoughts, shall we?

Recently i opened a blog of someone i know. Identified as a self centered person. I expected this person to be nice. And self centered is just not the trait belonging to the nice side. But then, talking about nice and not nice, it's just so ethical and therefore, relative, not to say subjective.

But is it wrong to be self centered? Let's do some research (yes, i'm joking) on the terms and have a good look on the subject matter, which in this case, is that blog's owner.

I said that it's ethical and because ethic depends on certain culture therefore it's relative, so let's just be contextual so that we don't lose the grip. I guess i don't really have to narrow the context[x] as to talk about whether it is ethically nice or not from certain tribe's or ethnic's point of view. We perhaps can use our common sense[x] as social beings cause there are also some values that can be found in almost every culture and therefore can be universal. Contextually speaking, is it bad to be self centered[x]?

First we better first define what we mean as self centered. Cause we are raised by internet, i found this:


Self-centered people are not easy to spot; they are capable of being personable and kind upon meeting new people. - Lifescript.com


There are various degrees of being self-centered, but the general traits are the same: putting themselves first, only caring about their needs and wants, being unable to see another’s perspective, being uncaring of others. There are times we all have been guilty of one or all of those traits, but what sets self-centered people apart is that they behave that way all the time.- Lifescript.com

We may say that a self centered person is someone who don't see things from other's perspective (which makes me think that any conclusion produced with a self centered brain might be so narrow and poorly synthesized) and they can appear just fine in everyday's life. This article i stumbled upon said that you might not know it from the first time but as your relationship gets deeper or serious with this person, you may finally realize, even if it's already too late to run, that the person you get acquainted with is a self centered person and it may be difficult and frustating to deal with a self-centered person.

So now i can be more certain when i say that being self centered is bad. You can check the full article here.

Let's proceed.

I have read something which that article also said that self-centeredness can be correlated to narcissism[x].

Some of the symptoms of narcissism are:

An exaggerated sense of one's own abilities and achievements

I won't talk about this. It's such a good laughing matter and i'm afraid i might disturb my friend who is resting next door after handling karaoke competition event.

But yeah, we talked about how the person showed off. I'm kind of confused though. I mean, we need to do self branding and perhaps this person is just doing that. But i can't really believe that now after doing some comparisons between this person and others.

A constant need for attention, affirmation and praise

A sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment

These traits can be seen existing in that person by looking at the social media. I'm sad. I guess it's because i have an information that this person makes facade and image with effort yet they don't turn out really good. Actually i could finally see it after being told for sometimes and saw it with my own eyes and experienced it myself before knowing it, just like what stated in the beginning, they are hard to spot. But some people can actually see it cause some of my friends told me the same thing before i could tell them so (and there's no way for me to just say so, bad thing about certain someone).

It's getting quite too elaborate for rants isn't it? So let's just proceed to the closing paragraph. I identify that person as a self-centered, and i pray to God to make that person realize how bad it can be for social life and not to make me become a self-centered person. Self-centeredness is bad if you want to lead a healthy social life. But not being self-centered doesn't mean you have to lose your self and be all altruist (but then again it's your choice). We need balance. As for myself, knowing that being self-centered is not socially good and knowing that it can be frustating to deal with one, and knowing how i feel towards self-centered person, i don't want to be one. I want to understand people more and learn more to know them more so that i can tell when people are happy, sad, and stuffs. I may not be naturally sensitive as a person but i can learn how to. And since i have reasons, i want to learn.

Sources:

http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydisorders/a/narcissisticpd.htm
http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/c/common_traits_of_the_self-centered_person.aspx
That person's blog

Friday, April 03, 2015

Melancholy is A Movement

Recently i told Kemal about the trailer of this film and we found it interesting that Joko Anwar played as the main actor, not the director. Knowing that the film has been released and tomorrow is a holiday, we decided to go watch it. After class, we talked for a while with some friends from SGRC at the faculty canteen. There were Kak Fey and Iput from Psychology. They will play with Teater Agora this month, that's why they've been going to FIB. There were Bintang and Ahadi who just went to Kafe Korea. And there were Bima and Dimas. Some of them had to go and it was only the four of us when we started talking about planning to go on a student exchange program. It's still a mere plan but it kinda excited me to hear Bima said that there's a good chance. This Bima guy is a really reliable informer. We from SGRC keep asking him about many sorts of things. Consulting to him about health, diet program, hairfall, etc.

After that i changed clothes and we went straight to the nearest movie theatre and bought the tickets. When we bought it, they asked us whether it was fine if it's only the two of us cause it was still empty. We were surprised but we were cool with that. I was wondering whether it's because it's a local movie while Fast and Furious 7 and Insurgent is currently now showing. Yeah, and Kemal said it's probably also because of the publication.

After watching it, i got the feeling that this kind of movie is still difficult to be accepted by most of indonesian people. Glad that we both liked it, but yeah... it seemed that it's not gonna be a hit. So sad. There's something contemplative about this movie and the style just suits my cup of tea. I love how they set each scene and dialogue. You might find it rather episodic, unlike the mainstream movies with building-climax-anticlimax arrangement. You can watch some fragments separately and still be able to get the picture. I guess i expect more from Richard Oh. I will watch his next movies (decided to follow his twitter and read his blog right away now).

I'm so glad that my country made this kind of movie and commercialized it. If you watch the movie you may get the feeling that this movie isn't gonna sell well-at least not this time-so the thing about commercializing it is kind of sad. But no, it's not the most important thing about creating a movie. Not about the profit that the movie will make. Through this movie, Richard tried to depict the irony of being a film maker in Indonesia while sometimes you should put aside your ideals cause the business needs you to be realistic and accept the fact that there are some demands that might not fit your ideals.

Menurut Richard Oh, film ini merupakan film drama seputar orang-orang film yang menggambarkan cita-cita seorang film maker di industri film yang kadang tidak selaras dengan aspirasi pencapaian yang diinginkannya. “Sering terjadi dilema yang dialami film maker di Indonesia, saat ingin berkarya sesuai keinginan namun terbentur dengan tawaran-tawaran membuat film yang tidak sesuai dengan keinginan kami, namun di lain pihak kebutuhan-kebutuhan hidup juga harus dipenuhi, itulah tantangan dan ironi yang kami hadapi” ujarnya. Selain itu Richard Oh menambahkan betapa kecilnya apresiasi masyarakat dan pemerintah kepada para film maker, atas kegelisahan-kegelisahan tersebut film ini pun dibuat bersama-sama. - Esquire.co.id

We stayed at angkringan for awhile after that. Discussing about death sentence, indonesian movie, and literature. I told him about Saija and Adinda and he told me about Kapal Van Der Wijck. In our opinion, The Trees and The Wild translates the emotion of the story into music perfectly. The emotion building and the climax at the end of the song, i can feel the emotion of the story. I'm really surprised with Multatuli's writing style. It's so damn good. I thought Max Havelaar was famous only because it revealed how bad colonialism was to the world, but now i see that it is even good as a literay work alone. The emotion building, the layer of sadness, the melancholy. Lovely.

I'm glad that we had such a good time. Too good for a couple who just nearly broke up?
I love you. See it.

Friday, March 20, 2015