Just got a crush with these poems of Richard Brautigan.
Look what i've brought home from http://www.brautigan.net/poetry.html !
"A Cigarette Butt"
A cigarette butt is not a pretty
It is not like the towering trees,
the green meadows, or the for-
It is not like a gentle fawn, a
singing bird, or a hopping
But these are all gone now,
And in the forest's place is a
Blackened world of charred trees
and rotting flesh—
The remnants of another forrest
A cigarette but is not a pretty
"Moonlight on a Cemetery"
Moonlight drifts from over
A hundred thousand miles
To fall upon a cemetery.
It reads a hundred epitaphs
And then smiles at a nest of
God, all the shit
that is going to be written
after I am dead.
"ALL WATCHED OVER BY MACHINES OF LOVING GRACE "
I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammals and computers
live together in mutually
like pure water
touching clear sky.
I like to think
(right now, please!)
of a cybernetic forest
filled with pines and electronics
where deer stroll peacefully
as if they were flowers
with spinning blossoms
I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters
and all watched over
by machines of loving grace.
Pretty cute right? :D lovely.
"Mungkin lo harus belajar jujur." katanya.
MBTI doesn't determine what kind of person you are. It's a continuum anyway, the coefisiens you get for each determiner every time you take the test may differ.
The least developed area for the ENTP is the Sensing-Feeling arena. If the Sensing areas are neglected, the ENTP may tend to not take care of details in their life. If the Feeling part of themself is neglected, the ENTP may not value other people's input enough, or may become overly harsh and aggressive. -personalitypage.com
I can be terribly harsh at times. I often forget about how people might feel when i speak matter of factly. I'm used to think when i talk, not think then talk, and my way of thinking doesn't really concern the-feeling-of-the-person-i'm-talking-to aspect.
But i don't think that's good. Even if at hard times it'd kept me from breaking apart.
Maybe i'll always be an ENTP, who's prone to use less feeling. But i don't wanna lose balance. I don't wanna be extremely senseless and emotionless. I know i'm not a good person but i do wanna change. I really wanna change.
I wanna be someone who cares about people, i wanna be someone less-egocentric, but not with changing who i am.
At this point i think changing is not the right word. I'm teaching my self to be better.
Have you seen the tagline on my blog? quotes from BMTH's song:
"I can't drown my demons they know how to swim."
I can't kill my demons, i can't turn them into heavenly creatures, but who knows whether i can teach them to be more humane?
PS: I talk much about MBTI, heh? it's fascinating.
I'd been feeling sorry for not being able to be overwhelmed by feeling. I'd been feeling sorry for being in control. I'd been blaming myself for being okay. I was afraid that i was getting more emotionless, the usual defense mechanism. But then i always thought, i knew all along i always thought, not felt. I thought i was sad, i thought i had to, i thought i need to talk things over. I was afraid that i didn't really feel so.
"Say something i'm giving up on you."
I don't wanna give up,
So you too don't give up.
I don't wanna leave,
so you too, don't leave.
Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera
For you guys who feel like giving up, who can't hold on anymore...
but please, hold on.
On the last post i mentioned "Ghost Story" right? i remember this team building sleepover i attended, say... 1-2 weeks ago. We did this "write your first impression about your friend." I got some... some comments on my physical appearance, and some weird comment like:
Some days ago i went for a little me time. Going to the mall alone, window shopping, bought stuff, enjoyed the drizzle, that day i stumbled upon Coldplay's latest album that was released on May 2014.
I'm not good at giving comments for music i guess, i can only say that the songs are easy to listen, and they mostly talk about broken love but the music is so soothing it doesn't corroborate the broken feeling inside you unlike those tear jerking love songs you listen to so that you can dramatize and hurt yourself like you like it so much, are you masochistic? (ew that's harsh... i'm not being serious here haha)
Here are my favorites:
True Love, Ghost Story, O, Oceans
Listening to these songs makes me wanna embrace all the brokens. To tell them i feel them (not really though), to tell them they are not alone, to stay with them in the cold night watching the electric fireflies wander around the city.
1. True Love
For a second, I was in control
I had it once, I lost it though
Just because letting the feeling flows and takes control, i became stupid and then failed. Even if this song doesn't really represent what i feel especially now, some lines represent what i ever felt. Like unfinished puzzle. It shows something but you can't get the complete picture because there are these missing pieces. And i just like how the song begs "lie to me" serenely. Like it's really fine to.
3. Ghost Story
When you don't believe
I'm here?What's the point of trying to raise your voice
If no one ever hears?
Every time I try to pull you close
And then i remember Viva La Vida. And now i'm thinking how different these songs are to Viva La Vida. But i still love them.
I recommend these songs for those who want to shoo their broken heart pain away and sleep. These songs are relaxing. Your friend who listens to your sobbing without demanding any explanations. Your wind to fly to the night sky.
(and i just realized that it's 00.15 already geez)
Hari ini seharian saya bangun-tidur-bangun-tidur hanya demi melanjutkan mimpi. Anehnya, mimpinya benar-benar berlanjut secara linear. Ini menyenangkan! aku jadi seperti punya dunia sendiri ketika terlelap. Bukan hal baru bagiku, sih. Tapi 4 hari ini aku sedang memimpikan orang yang sama terus-terusan, padahal orangnya tidak spesial. Tapi bagiku yang di mimpi, dia jadi spesial. Aneh. Saat bangun perasaan spesial itu tidak ikut terbawa.
"Aku nunggu kamu."
"Aku juga nunggu kamu. Hahaha. Berarti kita nunggu kita."
Sesuatu yang menarik:
After watching "The Book Thief" i read the e-book. It's a novel written by Markus Zusak about a girl named Liesel Maminger and the story is told by Death.
When Death tells a story yo must listen.
The story takes place in Germany when Hitler reigned. Now i can't count how many Hitler-era movies i have watched...
Death encountered Liesel for some times because her close ones seem to always leave her that way. Her brother, and later... them. (i mustn't spoil the story)
The characters are so lovable. Liesel herself, her Papa, Rudy, Max, even her yelling Mama. They are so warm and affectionate. This movie tells you to be human. That sometimes you have to do something just because you have to, and you don't need to say "i shouldn't have". We need to embrace our humanity.
And as yo go along with the movie you'll find many interesting quotes (or at least i think that way)... #what
After reading some pages of the book i found that some images are depicted differently in the movie but i'm not disturbed by that. Like, i didn't see the Papa smoke in the movie but in the book he does smoke.
And then i told my brother to watch it and i told him we're gonna make a movie research club. In which we don't only watch. But also blab about the movie.
Tadi di perjalanan pulang saat langit memalam aku membaca koran yang kubeli pagi ini dan kusimpan di dalam tas sepanjang hari. Aku membacanya dari belakang kecuali halaman tentang olahraga. Di halaman keberapa ada foto kampus kita, bahkan artikel tentangnya. Tentang perpustakaannya. Katanya tempat itu nyaman. Ruang terbuka dan semacamnya.
Tidak ada yang memikirkan tempat yang seperti kolam cahaya matahari itu.
Tidak ada tentang tempat yang dinaungi penangkal air yang seadanya.
Mana ada yang tahu tentang mati lampu.
Ngomong-ngomong hari ini aku lagi-lagi tahu aku tak bisa-bisa lari.
"I'm scared to get close
I never expected that someone would bother to arrange a birthday surprise for me. But i got two. How sweet of them.
Someone told me that my name "ulan" in tagalog means "rain". I just love that very much. And i love rain, i really do. It's just that sometimes love can ruin your day, just like rain (alasan banget).
Tugas teater... here it goes.
Mom: All you did was dwelling in your room
Sore ini aku main ke payung gedung satu. Di situ aku bertemu orang yang sudah lama aku kenal. Bertahun-tahun. Aku ke sana cuma untuk mencharge hp-ku, kebetulan sekali ada dia.
i have seen
My grandfather is a chinese. My grandmother is a half chinese. My father is a... 3/4 chinese? i am a... whatever.
I really wanna live on, to be able to experience the AR-version of game like that on SAO (anime) and enter the world of Harry Potter or Tolkien's middle earth, become a ranger who's born and raised in Rivendell and later i'll receive my throne at Minas Tirith (this is Aragorn...).
Today when i was about to go home a senpai who often calls me "culun" even if he has the geeky and nerdy look (Sebut saja Suryo), asked me to lend my laptop. So i waited there and talk with Iqbal, Rifqi, and Sho-chan. I showed Iqbal and Rifqi the purikura i just had with the gurls+Ratih yesterday and bragged about how i feel normal and girly and i'm happy that this is the ultimate evidence that i'm being socially healthy and fine. (cause sometimes i get tired telling people that i'm not a freak, everyone has freakness)
"People use things other than the face to determine attractiveness (figure, health, character, personality, age), and we can certainly think of times when a symmetrical face would not be judged particularly attractive (Jabba the Hut seemed symmetrical to me, as did Darth Vader, but I wouldn't want my sister to marry either of them." - John Curra, The Relativity of Deviance
Hello, i'm at the faculty's canteen now. On the table there are taberarete shimaimashita bangohan, and book. I'm at ease. Coming early, having to wait, eating breakfast.
I feel like helped. Today one person talked to me about the book she just read, and she was concerned about me, that she thought she ought to tell me what she read. She thought it's kind of a solution for my problem. Which i told her it's not a problem. She was concerned. About me. When she read something, i came to her mind. Me.
Sore itu, entah kenapa gue membiarkan Tara megang tangan gue (meskipun minta dipijitin sih), meskipun biasanya gue akan protes kalau semacam Nikita dan Tara mau megang tangan gue.